508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I cut my penus on the lid.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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