did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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