i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
