My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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