im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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