Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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