im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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