shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i love accidental penises.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
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