do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
