Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
