i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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