Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
