Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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