i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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