Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
