He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
