Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
