I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
