We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
