I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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