ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
