I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
