you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Two words: blizzard sex
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
