I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize