Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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