how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
