So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
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Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
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WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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