I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
