quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
