I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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