The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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