Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
