Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Randomize
