I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
