So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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