dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
