the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
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He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize