life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
