Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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