Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
