so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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