OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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