NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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