Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
