i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
