Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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