I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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