Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
