I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
