I am in a vortex of obligation.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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