ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
