Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
