dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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