I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
