Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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