you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
