i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
