About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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