Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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