No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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