my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
