now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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