Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
